My Elegant Lawn Services

     With the last few years and the downturn of the economy, the talk of the town is how to cut unnecessary expenses. Like all households in the USA, we also looked at our monthly expenditures to see what is a "need" and what is a "want". 

Growing up, we lived in a corner house with many trees along the sidewalk. Corner property means lots of grass to mow, lots of leaves to rake up and lots of snow to shovel. With 4 kids in the family, there was an endless supply of hands to help out. There was something to be done outside no matter what season it was. On Saturdays, there was hardly a chance to sleep in. The wake up call was, "Rise and Shine!Yard work awaits!" All hands on deck, there was rakes, shovels, garbage cans, trashbags to be used. The occasional break would be if I found an earthworm in the dirt. In that case, I would run inside, rinse it off and feed it to my turtle. Fresh meat!

I bought this house from my Dad more than a decade ago. While moving back felt like wearing an old pair of jeans again, I knew we would face the inevitable yard work that awaited. Being that both my husband and I work, we decided that we could indulge and splurge in hiring a lawn service company. Of course, it would just be the basic grass cutting and bushes trimming. No need for flower planting, or any ornamental this and that. Goodness, it didn't even include snow removal. 

As my kids grew older, they would sometimes catch me looking at them wistfully. Maybe they think I'm reminiscing when they were sweet little rosebuds? Nope, I'm sizing them up to see when they'll be old enough to do lawn work! 

Last year, unrelated to the economic downturn, I became unhappy with the lawn company. D's Elegant lawn Services, they called themselves. One week, I came home to my lawn trimmed but bushes left scraggly. I called them up to complain. Excuses after excuses, promises after promises. The week after, the bushes were trimmed...but one side was noticeably shorter.I even sent them a picture titled "My Un-Elegant Bushes".

After calls and multiple emails, things were still not satisfying so I decided to bite the bullet and sever the relationship with D's Elegant Lawn Services. Ready or not, time for la familia to step up to the plate and batter up! 

Jackson, my rugged, manly-man husband volunteers to do the lawn with our son. Ok, I'll be inside cheering you on! After about an hour of yelling, whining, ordering around, and overall unhappiness, the 2 men retreat to the comforts of the indoors. My son, into his room sulking, my husband, into the kitchen.

J: Honey, can see you see what this is?,  lifting up his shirt. Do you think it's a rash? I'm all itchy and my skin feels irritated.

I take a look,
Me: You look fine. How's the lawn looking?

J:  No, no, look here... you don't think it's a rash?

Me: Nope, it's just you scratching. How's the lawn working out?

J: Really, this doesn't look like a rash? Is it infected or something?

Me: Honey, we don't have poison ivy, we don't have poison oak. You're just reacting to a little grass that got blown under your shirt. No rash, no irritation and definitely no infection. But if you keep up the scratching, it will become a rash, be irritated and get infected. Go take a shower.

J: OK, can you check on Harrison and do some damage control?

"Uhhhh...how's the lawn?" No answer." And why the need for damage control?"

I go into Harrison's room. 

Me:What's the matter, Son?

H: Daddy keeps yelling at me to move the wire.

Me: Well, you do have to move the cord or else it'll be cut by the mower.

H: He doesn't have to yell so loudly at me.
Me: Was it because the lawn mower was really loud?

H: Maybe.

Me: You'll feel better after a shower too. No need to be all irritated and itchy.

 After a few rough starts, I'm proud to say that they've gotten it down to a science. King's Elegant Lawn Services work like a well-oiled machine. Less than 20 minutes and the lawn is buzz cut like a newly recruited Marine. 

Bushes are another thing. 

J: Our bushes are too high.

Me: They're fine the way they are.

J: We need to get a bush trimmer and get these lower.

Me: Leave them alone. Shoulder height is fine.

J: I'll go to Home Depot tomorrow. 

A week later, the bushes are waist high and looking really really scraggly. It looks like Godzilla had a field day at the salad bar. Pitiful. 

Me: Jackson, what happened?

J: Things needed to be beat back. I found a lot of insects and crawly things in the bushes. They tried to get me so I had to beat them back into submission.

Me: As in spiders? Spiders are our friends. They keep the insect population under control. 

J: Ohhh..... 

Great, not only are my bushes really looking bad, but the ecosystem could be in for a tilt. 

Now that the kids are off for Election Day, they have to fill 4 big black trash bags full of leaves today.

Kids: Are we being paid for this?

Me: Excuse me?

Kids: You know. Daddy says that if we do work outside the house, we will be paid.

Me: I think he meant when you finish school and get a regular job. 

Kids: Not as in raking leaves?

Me: No

Kids: Are you sure? That's what Daddy says.

Me: Do you see Daddy here? No he's not. Mommy's here and she says that doing the leaves is part of being called a family. Here's your bags to fill. See you later. 

2 hours and a snack break later.....

DING DONG!

Me: Yes? 

Kids: Allison and Harrison's Elegant Lawn Services is finished with your yard, ma'am. Ready for inspection. Are we good enough to be hired? 

Me: As in keep you as part of the family? Yep!

Kids: Horray!
Lesson learned!